Imagine this: You enter a coffee shop or room full of people, and suddenly feel your heart racing as if you have run a marathon. Your hands turn wet with sweat, your lips turn dry, and the truth is, it seems that everyone around you is looking at you. Voices in your senses scream, ”What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be like everyone else?” You become ashamed, and you are worried about whether you will ever become comfortable around other people.
If that sounds like your story, we want you to know that you are not alone. Millions of people feel the same way you do. This fear is known as social anxiety. It is not the same as being shy or tense. It is a psychological condition that turns regular social situations into scary and nerve-wracking experiences. It does not signify being frail or not whole. It simply means that a certain situation occurred in your or their lives that contributed to the situation in which their brains were more sensitive to social interactions.
The best part is that social anxiety is a treatable condition. Social anxiety treatment involves a combination of therapy, medication, and self-help strategies that fit the person’s needs.
Causes of social anxiety
Social anxiety is not caused by a single factor alone. Several choices that one needs to make every day, and their interaction, is responsible for the development of one’s condition. Each person is unique in terms of the root causes of their social anxiety. Your phobia trigger might not be the same as another person’s fear factor. It is a natural thing.
Some of the common causes of social anxiety are:
Family and genes:
Studies have shown that social anxiety frequently occurs in families. If a person has a relative (e.g., a parent or sibling) with social anxiety, the family member’s risk of developing it is higher, too. Just like you inherit the color of your eyes or your height. Imagine you observe that your mom is worried before she meets new people, or your father is always anxious about what others think.
However, it is important to remember here: these genes are like a key to a door. The genes are the key that could open the door to social anxiety, yet you still need something to turn that key. Life experiences, such as stress, hard times, or painful moments, turn the key.
For example, even if it is biological that you get social anxiety, it does not mean that you will be similarly affected. So many people have these genes, but without any trouble because their lives never “turned the key.” In short, you are not created to suffer just because someone else in your family struggled with this.
Growth environment:
Certain people are born shy and reserved. Certain people are born being loud, enjoying themselves, and being open with others. If you were once a shy kid, then there is a higher chance that social anxiety later in life may have resulted.
Not being very talkative is not wrong. Many shy people actually live very well without social anxiety. Whether or not you are introverted is not what can be defined as bad with you.
Childhood experiences:
The events that have occurred in childhood shape the way people feel about themselves. Some experiences that lead to social anxiety may include:
- Being bullied or teased often
- Getting harsh criticism from parents or teachers
- Being rejected by friends
- Having overprotective parents who never let them try new things
- Watching family members avoid social events
- Moving a lot and always being the new joiner
Children develop their way of acting by observing the adults around them. Occasionally, a single awful situation will be in the person’s mind for years. Being laughed at in front of the class or having a panic attack in public can make the brain associate social situations with being unsafe.
Terrible events that have happened:
Sometimes social anxiety starts right after you go through something extremely embarrassing or painful (e.g., gave a speech and everyone started laughing at you, or were rejected by someone mean, or maybe you fainted in public).
These negative experiences that one goes through in life can change the way we think about similar social situations. Your brain tries to protect you by making you afraid of similar situations in the future.
Different people react in various ways to negative experiences. What affects one person may not be a big deal to another person. This is greatly dependent on different factors like the individual’s age and life situations, among others.
The fear cycle:
Social anxiety often causes a cycle that keeps feeding its own existence. Here is how it functions:
- First, an individual becomes anxious about a social occasion and spends many days or several weeks worrying about it. They could either stay away from it altogether or go and feel awful all the time.
- If they avoid the event, they feel a sense of immediate relief. However, these conditions brain toften perecive as more dangerous than they feel. This enhances anxiety the next time such circumstances are encountered.
- If they force themselves to go, they might behave in a nervous or silent way. Then they engage in overthinking for hours about all the upsetting things that everyone was criticizing them for.
This loop might continue for many years, causing a person’s social anxiety to progress over time. However, recognizing this loop will be the first step in breaking it.
The pandemic effect:
The COVID-19 pandemic has become another problem for many with social anxiety. During those times, many people had to stay at home for a long period of time. This led them to lose their connections with the community.
After the end of the pandemic, many people, especially children, experienced an increased level of difficulty in social interaction. Many who had social anxiety felt nervous around people, and those who previously did not suffer from social anxiety also had such feelings.
For individuals who already had social anxiety, the isolation only increased their fears, and they felt worse than before. Being on their own felt much safer, which made going out even more terrifying for them.
What does social anxiety look like?
Social anxiety manifests itself differently in different people. Some common signs include:
Physical symptoms:
- Racing pulse
- Sweating
- Shaking or trembling
- Feeling sick to their stomach
- Blushing
- Trouble breathing normally
Emotional symptoms:
- Mind going blank
- Worry about what others think
- Public exposure phobia
- Expecting the worst to happen
- Thinking over and over about social mistakes
Behavioral signs:
- Avoiding social events
- Not making eye contact
- Being very quiet
- Leaving social events early
- Always saying no to invitations
You are not broken
If you experience social anxiety, keep in mind that you are not deficient or abnormal. Your brain is constructing a defense to protect you from the threats it perceives. Your brain has figured out that those social situations might be unsafe, so it causes anxiety to keep you away from them.
At first, it made sense to be afraid of those situations, given your experiences. Your brain did its job perfectly. Nevertheless, now, this protection may seem to be preventing your happiness.
Help is available!
Social anxiety is a mental condition, not a personal weakness. It can be kept in check very well with the right tools, therapy, and support. You don’t have to live in fear forever. A mental health professional can assist in helping you learn your triggers, develop coping strategies, and eventually build confidence in social settings.
Remember, the most difficult step might be seeking help, but it is the first necessary one to be more socially engaged and confident. Nowadays, getting help has become easier. You can communicate with mental health specialists, such as a board-certified psychiatrist New Jersey, online from the comfort of your home. At GABA Telepsychiatry, their board-certified professionals can help with your issues and will not judge you or tell you to “just get over it.”
